What Sick Looks Like
In the midst of writing a blog about returning to work, I had to pivot and focus on my health. I’ve had respiratory allergies for my entire life and could typically manage them with medication and the occasional use of my “rescue” inhaler. I’ve been experiencing chest pain for a few months, but didn’t want to take up much needed space in the already challenged healthcare system. On Wednesday, May 6, that changed. For the first time, my inhaler did nothing to ease the pain in my chest and the fatigue I had been feeling for awhile seemed to intensify. I finally contacted my doctor on Friday, May 8 and was surprised to get a diagnosis of pneumonia. After going through a series of questions they also speculated that I had COVID-19 in February 2020 and the pneumonia was a residual effect. I was floored. A month ago I had started working out again, going for long walks and 2 mile runs, so I thought the pain was a result of being out of shape. I had no clue that I was sick since I had no fever and was still very active. (Probably still a bit related to being out of shape.)
Why blog about it and what does this have to do with being a CEO? Many reasons, but I’ll focus on two: 1) Many of us power through everything. Bad idea. 2) As we plan our return to work, we must be flexible and open with our staff during a time when the impact from COVID-19 is still not incredibly clear.
1) I am an incredibly driven human. I set goals for myself and then set new ones after I crush them. As my niece told me last weekend, “You have zero chill factor, Auntie.” Zero. Wow. That’s a low number, but she’s right. I was super sick in February and was out of the office for almost 14 days. However, I only took two days out of the 14 to truly log off. Even then, I took those days off because I had a raging fever and literally could not stay awake. As a CEO, I don’t often give myself time to rest and I have yet to go a day without checking my email…multiple times a day, including today. This battle with pneumonia in the midst of a pandemic scares me. Yes. I’m a badazz, but I get scared. My oxygen levels are dipping and I have zero desire to go to the hospital and be put on a ventilator. I love my organization, but I’m choosing me today. As a CEO, I’m also choosing to trust my executive leadership team. I have four incredible Chiefs and they are more than capable of running the organization. I just have to let go and trust them to keep moving the team forward.
2) I feel like a case study for the impact of COVID-19. My healthcare team is intrigued about what I experienced in February: pink eye, fever that refused to break, loss of smell and taste, chills, sweats, diarrhea, shortness of breath, etc. Now, they’re even more intrigued by my lungs not healing after almost three months. They want to test me for antibodies in a few months after researchers have more time to learn about the virus. But if you look at me, you wouldn’t think, “That lady is sick.” In fact, I’ve been told more times than I want to count, “You don’t look sick. You’ll be fine.” We have to get past our idea of “sick,” especially with a virus that attacks and presents itself in so many different ways. Well what does sick look like? Would people feel better if I was attached to a ventilator? Despite my lung pain, I had a few things to say on Facebook. You can view my message on Youtube at CEO ARJ. Yes, I get up and dressed and do my hair every morning on purpose. It would be easier and expend less energy to put my hair in a messy bun and wear joggers, but I’m working hard to stay mentally strong and fight for my lungs. As I think about my team, I have a better understanding of the need to support any of them battling COVID-19 or its impacts. We made a temporary policy to not deduct PTO for anyone who gets sick or is caring for a sick family member. How ironic that I’m the first one to use the policy.
As we’re working toward re-opening the economy, remember to take care of yourself as a leader and be open and flexible as you lead and care for your staff. We all have different levels of anxiety related to the virus and the impact on each of us is different, especially as you consider that I am also what sick looks like.
@CEOARJ
“Empowered by ancestral hustle and warrior soul.”
*All statements expressed in this blog are my personal views and not a representation of Washington STEM.
